3 step strategy to mastering your emotions - Introvert Whisperer

Introvert Whisperer / 3 step strategy to mastering your emotions - Introvert Whisperer 3 step strategy to mastering your emotions We all get emotional sometimes. That’s the way we are built. Some people would like to turn off their emotions. They think that if they could just do that, then they will be superhuman. The thing is, that probably won’t work. You see, emotions were there before logic and the brain relies on them to make even the most basic decisions. For that reason, when emotions are turned off, for example by brain damage, we don’t become superhuman at all. Instead, we can’t even make the most basic decisions. So, you’d be better off saying we end up being sub-human. So, if you can’t turn them off, then the only real choice is to learn how to ‘master’ them. Why I put ‘master’ in quotation marks Since the ancients Greeks, people have compared emotions to animals and our logical systems to their riders. The more we understand about our emotions, the bigger the animal has seemed to become. Jonathan Haidt, in his book the Happiness Hypothesis, goes to the extreme of saying that our emotions are actually an elephant. What he means with that is that our emotions are much, much bigger than our logical systems and if they want to go in one way and your logic would prefer to go in another, well then you’re going the way of your emotions. That sounds depressing. It shouldn’t be. Because people do ride elephants. They even get them to do a whole lot of stuff, like push down trees and lug lots of weight around. The trick? Don’t try to dominate them, but work with them instead. Once you start to do that you can nudge them in the direction you actually want to go. Step one: Recognize your emotions You know that saying ‘deal with the elephant in the room’? Well, when you’re feeling emotions that are what you need to. Since you can’t suppress them and you can’t ignore them, you should instead recognize them for what they are. Because only once you know what the elephant is called will you know what you need to do to lessen their impact or at least steer it towards less self-destructive impulses. At the same time, realize that you aren’t your emotions. Emotions can be overwhelming and all-consuming. None the less, they come and they go, while you’re always there. You might be angry right now, but that too will fade. And then you’re left dealing with the fallout. Step two: Consider your emotions What you need to understand is that you can’t understand why you do things when you feel an emotion when you’re not feeling that emotion. This is called the empathy gap and it’s why people that aren’t depressed can’t understand why depressed people don’t try harder. Similarly, it is why people who aren’t upset think other people are overreacting. What this means is that you can make a lot of promises when you’re not feeling a certain way, only to break all of them the moment you feel another. The way around them is to learn to take a step back when you’re feeling an emotion. Take a breath and consider how you’re feeling. Talk about it with somebody or write it down. Describe the emotion and what it wants to make you do. Discuss the consequences and then decide if that’s actually the right path for you. You can even start a dialogue. Write about what you’re feeling when you’re feeling it. Then respond to that emotional state when you’re no longer feeling that way. Remember that empathy gap. It means you’ll struggle to understand yourself and might even think that what you said while in the throes of an emotion is stupid or embarrassing. Try not to be judgmental. Focus on getting what you’re trying to say on paper. Even if you are one of the professional college paper writers, there is no need to sweat the grammar and the spelling when you’re caught in the throes of your emotions. Use stick figures, your own private language, or finger painting. Step three: Nudge your way towards better behavior The more you consider your emotions you’ll come to understand them better. You’ll figure out what is really triggering your emotions. You might even realize that what you’re feeling is actually a mask for deeper emotions. In those cases, they are far more symptomatic than anything else. From there you can then start to change your behavior. For example, you can start to avoid triggers. Or you can become aware of what they are and take steps to calm yourself down when they do occur. Then, over time and with effort, you can change the flow of your emotions to different, more constructive, channels. You should be aware, though, that this will take time. Often, our emotional reactions are learned early and often learned without our conscious awareness. That means that you’ll have to undo a lifetime of behavior. That’s a long-term process. So don’t be too hard on yourself. Instead, celebrate the little successes and when you backslide, simply try again. Otherwise, all you’ll end up feeling is angry and disappointed. And those aren’t very nice emotions. Remember the elephant Our lives are lived on the back of an elephant which is our subconscious and our emotional reactivity. If you ignore that, then you won’t understand who you are. If you fight that you’ll end up being carried off into the jungle without any real control. If, on the other hand, you understand that and accept it, then you can yoke your emotions and your logic together into a masterful team that can overcome any problem â€" be it office politics or how to network. For the truth is that nobody ever succeeds despite their emotions. Instead, they do so because of them. Bio: Luisa Brenton is a brand developer in the past; mom, educational blogger in the present. She writes in a variety of venues â€" academic, business, and psychology. Find more on Facebook and Twitter. Image credit: pixabay.com Go to top Bottom-line â€" I want to help you accelerate your career â€" to achieve what you want by connecting you with your Free Instant Access to my 4 Building Blocks to Relationships eBookâ€" the backbone to your Networking success and fantastic work relationships.  Grab yours by visiting here right now! Brought to you by Dorothy Tannahill-Moran â€" dedicated to unleashing your professional potential. Introvert Whisperer